I will touch myself... AGAIN!

When I was in High School, my best friend missed school for a week. She never showed up on the day we were expected back, which was very unlike her. She was the serious student; the one who studied extra hard and forced me to wake up at ungodly hours of the night so that I could study; a habit that I never accustomed myself to even after 21 days. We were just about to sit for our exams; KCSE they called them. That perhaps added to my fright. My encyclopedia was missing just before the big exams. She never showed up the next day either. Worried senseless, I asked the crazy lady who used to perpetually smell of garlic and ask me “Jackie, what is your name?” :-D to call her mother and find out if all was well. Fortunately for me, the crazy lady loved my best friend… They got along like two kittens. She made the call. The response was that my best friend was in hospital because she had undergone a minor surgery. Minor surgery? Really??? People have died while undergoing MINOR surgeries. There is something about doctor lingo that really irks me. I digress. She came back to school and told me the minor surgery was to remove lumps from her breasts. That was the minor surgery.

Fast forward. October 2008. I meet up with a friend who informs me he has been checking women’s breasts all day because October is Breast Cancer Month. To cut the long story short, he wondered if mine had been checked and if not…. Enough said. Thing is, I had noticed lumps in my right breast but I figured I was probably still paranoid after what my best friend had gone through. That night I checked again. This time more carefully; after all I had been given step-by-step instructions on how to go about it. I felt IT! I was sure this time my mind was not playing tricks on me. Was I scared? Hell yeah. Wouldn’t you be? My first reaction was to text my best friend. She was in Eldoret. We talked and cried that night. She ordered me, as my elder – she is exactly 6 months older than I – to go get checked. Fast forward to when I actually go to hospital. Walk in Dr. H. Tall, dark, handsome, funny and a DOCTOR! He told me he has done this before, countless times. He was so excited I believed him. He checks me. Sends me for an ultra-sound… The results are out in about twenty minutes and they are not good. I have SIX lumps, not one or two… Nope. Six. Four on my right breast, two on my left! To cut the long story short, Dr. H, said they’d go away by the time I hit 25… Are you wondering how old I am? Don’t your mind to task over such petty issues. I’m old enough…. For whatever! So, I didn’t have cancer, at least that’s what Dr. H said. I believed him.

Why did I blog about this? I watched Jeff Koinange today (18^th July 2011) On the Bench – the 8 p.m. show. There was a nine year old girl who is a cancer survivor/patient on the bench. She is only nine years old. Her story was moving and one of hope. She is not scared of cancer. Her words: “Cancer is just a big rock on my smooth road to big things.” 

I will be honest with you and myself: Three years ago, if I had been diagnosed with cancer, I would not have spoken like that little girl. She has a song: it’s called I BELIEVE. It takes something more than courage to be that girl. It takes more that optimism to be or to speak like that girl spoke. It takes more than faith to see the light at the end of such a dark tunnel; one with really sharp corners. I reckon it takes JESUS! I’m not about to get spiritual on you but the only thing that would make a girl so young, who has gone through so much, speak with such zeal and expect so much good from the same life that has already been cruel to her is JESUS! WWJD – What Would Jesus Do! I suppose that is her motto! I salute her parents for they have raised a fine young girl.

I never went back to see Dr. H. I stopped checking myself, because I was/am scared. I just found a new reason not to be scared… This is for Rose Nasimiyu, the nine year old girl with a heart of gold and outstanding courage. The nine year old girl who has given courage and faith a whole new meaning; the nine year old girl I will never meet but I am proud of.

I will touch myself again… Will you?