Mirror Mirror...

*Mirror Mirror on the wall, who the hell is that staring back at me?*

Have you ever looked in the mirror and been unable to recognize yourself? What do you do when the person staring back in the mirror is a familiar stranger? When you have an out of body experience? Do you pinch your elbow? Try to touch your nose with your tongue? Or try to put your fist in your mouth? How does one snap out of self-surprising moments?

In the last couple of months I have managed, quite successfully and effortlessly, to literally drop my own jaw leave it on the floor and walk away from it… As one of my sisters would say “I forgot to pick up my jaw.” The thing about growing up is that you learn to be less judgemental - and to some extent more accommodating - of other people, of behaviors you would have thought as absurd in the past, of comments made by people. Growing up for me is teaching me to be less judgemental… Something about taking a walk in someone’s shoes blah blah blah…. It’s complicated. Standing on the outside looking in on your own life is complicated. It’s  hard. It’s  foreign.  

I have managed walked myself into situations which were just plain silly…Utterly silly infact! Then I have found myself, while offering my friendship to an unexpected person, between a rock and a hard place. I have found myself going against almost everything I believe in because sometimes in life you just have to be a friend, to support someone when they are going through shit a really rough patch; because sometimes all that is required of you is to shut up and hold someone’s hand. There are times when your opinion does not matter. These shoes I find myself walking in are not mine. They feel so big and are quite uncomfortable; yet you would think if they are big, they should be easy to slip out of; Right? WRONG!

I am in the habit of saying “It’s never that serious” BUT I am beginning to think that sometimes it is serious. It gets serious when you are incapable of recognizing yourself or remembering the things you once stood for. It gets serious when you do silly things in the name of hope; because hope is a treacherous illusion. It gets serious when you become numb to the very things that define you as a person… When guilt is no longer your lover, THEN, you know it is serious. When you detach from your conscience…It is serious.

It’s been quite a couple of months. Maybe I will stop making my own jaw drop, maybe I won’t. It’s never that serious... Hehehe! :-)

On the real though, here are a few of my personal lessons and realizations from the last couple of weeks:

• I have learned that you never really know yourself; self surprise is real. Self awareness can be painfully cruel when it creeps up on you
• I have learned that when you break someone’s heart – whether a friend, lover or family member, and you want forgiveness, you have to be patient with them and you have to work at it.
• I have learned to accept that people will do things differently for the very simple reason that they want different things out of life from me. It is really that simple.
• I have learned… I lie…. I am learning, at such a slow pace, it’s not even funny, that I should manage my expectations of others people, especially men. :-)  (In my defense, I already learned how to manage my expectations of women.)
• I have learned that I have NEVER learned to be carefully what I wish for or mumble under my breathe as wishes. Sad truth!

That’s about it for now. I need to go and meet myself... For the umpteenth this year. *ShakingMyHead*

On unrelated matters, I am beginning to honestly believe that this country will be better off ruled by a woman… Why? Because I honestly believe if this country was being ruled by a woman the amount of blood that has been shed in TanaRiver and Isiolo would not have been as much. Simply put: Because I think women are more rational than men. Thing is, I don’t think the right woman has come out yet, so if you are reading this and you have political ambition, and you are a woman… Tokelezea!

P.s. If you tried pinching your elbow or putting your fist in your mouth or touching your nose with your tongue… Judge yourself harshly. :-)

Blessed week folks.